So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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