ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
