Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
