did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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