btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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