You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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