Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
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