i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
