It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
