Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I love having hate sex.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
