Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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