I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
