when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
