You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
