even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
