My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
