It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
