My nipple is on Facebook.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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