I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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