Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
