Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
