i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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