o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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