Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
