you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
