I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
