my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
