I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
did i just pee glitter
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
