I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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