I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
