how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
