You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
