Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
