I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
