grandma shit on top of the toilet
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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