dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
