You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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