I think my fart just growled at me.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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