When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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