Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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