remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
