what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
