Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
