Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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