I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
