Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize