if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
