anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize