Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
