just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
