So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
