The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
