he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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