you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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