You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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