I could have mohawked her pubes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
