I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
