So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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