im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
