forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
