you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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