Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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