Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
