I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This baby is an asshole
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize