Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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