Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize