I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
