in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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