I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
