I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize