the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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