Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
