She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
