yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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