I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
