I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
