Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize