Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
