I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
