I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
