Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
