I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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