omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
