you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
