1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
