Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
