At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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