I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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