The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
