happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
