I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
