it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
