just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
send nudes
from the living room?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
