Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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