Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
