She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
