I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
