she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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