I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
