she woke up with a sticky ear
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
