If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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