found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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